Measuring day

First of all, I wish I had a professional measuring me so I would know that I'm doing it right!
And using a tape measure can't be 100% accurate because it kind of has to bend in odd ways and doesn't conform to the body. But I've done my best!
My measurements today are 39-34-39.
Prior weeks they were 38-35-39.
OK so its great that the middle number went down but I highly doubt the first number should be going up!
I need a measuring rope because that just seems odd to me.

I still haven't decided whether I should weigh in Friday or Saturday either. I'm really on the fence about whether or not I'm going to go out Sunday. Part of me wants to but the other part of me wants to be with Jadyn.

I think I've just kind of given up on spending time with Scot. I think we need a romantic getaway to rekindle some of the feelings I seem to be losing. I feel like a wall has gone up and there's nothing he can really do to hurt me anymore. Which I guess is good but it shouldn't be this way. Besides, he'd never agree to anything romantic. Las Vegas was suppose to be our anniversary trip and he actually left me black out drunk somewhere I didn't know where I was..so he could get pizza! How romantic and thoughtful. You are so welcome for carrying and delivering your baby and dedicating every moment of my life to make sure she is happy and healthy! Oh how great appreciation feels!
But let's face it..he didn't want it to be our trip..he wanted it to be his trip! Which is why he ditched me to play golf 2 out of the 4 days we were there. Happy freakin anniversary hunny!
Right..

Maybe by Sunday I'll feel like going but right now I'm having a hard time seeing the point. We never spend time together as it is. He works all day and comes home and spends all evening working on the yard.
The therapist says we need to make time for each other and not just time where he's criticizing me.
Even when we do have time together, I try talking to him and he just ignores me. He either is listening to the radio, watching TV (even on dinner dates), updating his fantasy team on his phone, or focused on working outside and gets angry if I try talking to him.
We only communicate while he's at work and texts me the same thing everyday "love and miss you guys".
Do you really?

I think our first therapy session just really opened up my eyes. The therapist told Scot, "if you really love her as much as you claim to, every little thing she does wouldn't annoy you".
But it does!
At the session I talked about how I have to defend myself everyday and he just criticized me.
Am I really so awful?
I do everything he asks me to and take care of the baby. I put myself very last on the list and its still not good enough.

I could keep trying or I could just say screw it. I guess that's how I feel about Sunday right now. I'll put some thought into it.