Nights are the hardest

Jadyn is up every 2 hours again like when she was a newborn. I feel like she senses my stress or something. All I think at night about is what he did. The image flashes in my mind so vividly. He's still denying it but I remember now. I guess my mind pushes it out of my brain as some kind of self protection attempt. I guess that shows how painful it is. Just sitting here in this chair my heart is pounding as if I just sprinted a mile. I'll never understand why he did it. He watched me give birth to our daughter and then just 2 months later did what he did. And its not like he was too drunk to remember me, I was right beside him as he snuck the countless gropes on my sister. I just want the images to go away and the pain to stop. I'm holding together for my baby but I just feel so lifeless. I loved him more than life. Its just humiliating how blind I was. So now I need to really focus on my weight loss because it'll help to get over it maybe. But I don't think even then I will ever trust again. I'm waiting for my mom to finish her work out so she can come down and watch Jadyn. Also its probably about time for me to weigh in. He's bringing my scale Sunday along with all my and Jadyn's other stuff. I'll post my weigh in in a comment to this blog. I hope the stress of the past few days didn't pack on all the pounds I've managed to take off.